12/31/11, Starting Over, For the Last Time!

11 1/2 years after becoming a mom for the first time, I still struggle with the weight I gained in pregnant plus about 50 extra pounds. Having just turned 39, there is NO more time to mess around, lose focus, or forget to put "me" and my health on my "to do" list...40 will come for me next December 15th and I want to be in a different place, prepared for the second half (or two-thirds!) of my life.

I've been to Weight Watchers and experienced success several times, but never such that I made my goal weight or became a Lifetime Member. However, I know I need the accountability of weekly weigh-ins and the support of meetings. My family is loving and encouraging, but that simply is not enough this time. I started back today, and I'm not looking back!

Here are my "before" pictures taken early this morning by my eight year old daughter. With a weigh-in at Weight Watchers of 247 pounds on my 5'2" frame, that means I have 110 pounds to lose per the Weight Watchers chart "Healthy Weight Ranges". I remember vowing in 1996 that I would never let myself go over 150 pounds again...bummer.








I decided to treat myself by joining a meeting in Austin, which is where I long to be on Saturday mornings anyway, after living and working in the "burbs" during the week. I hope this location adds to my desire to take time for myself--time to reward myself with experiences rather than food.


I started a binder for my weight loss work, including some inspirational pictures and quotes I recently printed from Pinterest.

I am counting points because I don't know how to listen to my body to determine appropriate portions. My food will generally be Paleo-style--high protein, lots of vegetables, some berries and nuts, occasional dairy, and higher fats for satiety, including coconut oil.


Photographing all or most of what I eat helps me to stop and think before things go in my mouth. I usually eat mindlessly or simply for enjoyment.

Breakfast at Central Market... Vegetarian omelet (veggies, eggs), fruit cup. I forgot to tell them to hold the toast, and do I just removed it.

It's hard for me to waste food in those situations...





I had lunch out with family for an early New Year's celebration...I had a few chips and guacamole with lettuce and tomato. I didn't eat all the chips or any of the sour cream.


Dinner...a hodge podge. A cup of whole milk yogurt with a cup of fresh blackberries and raspberries...


A couple of plain baked chicken wings...


And one cup of homemade French onion soup...


I'm feeling good, but most of all I feel in control and accountable.

9/25/11

It's been a couple of months of dabbling with 4 Hour Body type eating and now Primal/Paleo eating, trying to see what works for me.  Hands down, it seems that Primal/Paleo is the winner.  While I always knew I did well on high protein, low carb plans (meat, veggies), I discovered I also feel satiated and don't stray when I have plenty of fat (coconut oil, coconut milk, avocaodo, butter).  While I don't drink milk and haven't for several years, eliminating cheese, half and half in my coffee, and grains seems to be working! I dropped about 9 lbs from September 14-24...not bad.  The best part is I am feeling good, in control, and feel the belly deflating.

I plan to add pictures and recipes to help other like-minded folks, and I am most excited to continue testing the waters at my preschool and with my own children by further removing dairy and grains from our routine.  I'd like to see our school go to 1 serving of grain per day.  Can we do it?!?

Funny, the more you make progress with food, identifying the nutrients and "work" that your body needs each day, the clearer other things in your life become.  For me, I can't put hopes and dreams on the back seat.  Not because of a tight budget, not because of time.  What is screaming to me?  I need to travel more (outside of Texas!).  This climate and scenery is a bit oppressive to me, and I miss the cool air and bright skies of the moutains, whether that be my native WV, or CO, or CA.  I need them in my life more often.  And, I must stay in a yurt soon.  Too many years of talking about it and not taking action.

Today I ran some sprints at intervals with walking around the track.  It wore me out, as I got a late start and was burning up in the sun.  I tried a new meatloaf recipe, which all three of my kids enjoyed! (Me, too!)

Happy September!

Not a Bad Day

Wow!  I couldn't have been busier today, and with healthy food from home ready to go at work, I fared much better in the battle between me and mindless snacking in the afternoons!

I was really tired from kettlebells yesterday, and dropped 3 pounds "overnight", so I didn't walk or do a workout today.  I was on my feet all day long.  I literally only remember sitting down for five minutes or so.

Weight:  228

AM
morning supplements
coffee w/ a little carmel macciato creamer

Mid-morning
black coffee
2 hard boiled eggs with 1 teaspoon mayo and 1 teaspoon mustard

Lunch
1/2 cup school lunch:  taco salad w/ beans, lettuce, tomato, salsa, a little cheese, a few Fritos corn chips
about 10 nuts

PM Snack
grilled chicken breast
black beans
 salsa

Dinner
fried catfish (panko crumb coated)
husband's delicious avocado sauce (avocado, cilantro, onion, jalapeno, olive oil, water, a splash of half and half)
salad w/ cider vinegar vinaigrette
red beans and brown rice
5-6 oz red wine

I probably ate too much of my husband's delicious dinner!  We'll see tomorrow in the poundage, but it was good clean food made with love.

Lots of water throughout the day...

The Barn Door is Open

I must be aware of eating before a major wave of hunger or snacking hits. Today, after not having much to eat in the morning, I found myself downing fistfuls of mixed nuts at school this afternoon. A few? Perfectly fine. Handfuls, going back again and again? Not so much. I did resist delicious birthday cupcakes, though. And it least I ate nuts instead of tons of Goldfish crackers, which were part of the snack mix I had made for our students.

Lesson, eat steadily all day, don't lose touch with my body and forget to eat, then find my fists full of snacks!

AM: 20 minute fast walk with Iris, followed by 75 kettle bell swings
2 cups cold water
coffee with cinnamon
supplements

AM Snack: cheddar cheese slices (2 oz?), coffee w/ a little half and half

Lunch: small spinach salad with strawberries and balsamic vinaigrette, grilled chicken breast, green beans with shallots

PM "Snack": several handfuls of mixed nuts, a little dried fruit, and 10? Goldfish crackers

Dinner: one fried corn tortilla (tostada shell), 1/2 cup grass fed ground beef (taco meat)

Lots of water

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

I think when you're overweight, at some point you stop living in your body. You stop looking closely at it in the mirror, you don't notice that you're getting winded easier, and you ignore messages that you don't need to eat more because you are full. Like me, you can even shut out constant internal notions that you feel uncomfortable putting your overweight self out into the world or into clothes that don't flatter.

Would you believe that I have not owned a full length mirror in ten years? I didn't purposely stop having one in my home, but after a move, and heavier after my first child, I never replaced the mirror missing from my household. I avoid mirrors that show more of me than from the waist up. Look into a dressing room mirror? Forget it. I'd rather try something on and feel if it fits rather than look up at the mirror(s) in there. Usually,I will just take something home and risk having to return it. Sometimes, I'll even put a shirt or dress on over my own clothes in Target rather than hit the dressing room, reasoning that if it fits over clothes, it's a fit!

Do you know that it would be Hell to me to wake up every morning beside a closet with mirrored doors? I hate when elevators surround me with mirrors on all sides after a sweaty trip to a hotel. I hate to run upon a giant wall mirror or floor length mirror while I shop. I most especially hate to stare at myself while getting my hair cut. It is practically a death sentence when I must stare at myself in a mirror while under the glare of its wicked, wicked cousin, the fluorescent light.

I need to get real, though. I need to have a way to measure my upcoming progress. I am going to buy a floor length mirror for my walk-in closet this week, and I'm going to take pictures in my workout wear to document where I've been.

Step one might have been to stay in my "right mind", but the next step is to live in this body and literally see it as it is for the first time in a long while...

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This morning, my girls and I rode over to the local middle school track and did some interval training for 30 minutes, running and walking. I want to be a good role model for the girls, but also I want to be accountable to them. I don't want to skip workouts or get too far gone with food without my family noticing. I hold them accountable for homework and chores, but I bet they don't know how much I need my family to help me stay on track. That I am weak. That it scares me to consider that I could put weeks of work and attention into this round of weight loss, only to fail again because of my own weakness.

I do not jest when I say thank goodness drugs and the overuse of alcohol were never tempting to me. Food is some sort of drug or past time for me, and I can't imagine staring down heroin or alcohol with my addictive nature. Food is hard enough to kick. It's hard to get a body that is happy being sedentary to move.
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It was family dinner night at my mom's house. I left feeling proud that I had kept myself under control! I noticed my reminder bracelet several times.

Breakfast
coffee with a splash of flavored creamer
2 egg omelet with peppers, onions, ham, and Cholula hot sauce

Lunch
cubed roasted turkey dipped in barbecue sauce
sauerkraut

Dinner
bun-less grass fed beef burger w/ mayo, pickle, lettuce, tomato and ketchup
sliced tomatoes
1/4 cup cracked wheat salad (cracked wheat, cucumber, tomatoes, parsley, feta, lemon vinaigrette)
coffee w/ a little flavored creamer
small slice lime pie

Maintaining my Right Mind

Today started with a parent work day at our school.  I skipped breakfast as I felt that I needed to give my system time to clean up after last night's wine and snacking.  While folks painted our school, I fixed lunch.  I baked a loaf of homemade bread and made some delicious bolognese sauce with grass feed beef and roasted eggplant and squash.  I drank some sweetened iced tea and lemonade and enjoyed a little of the lunch I had prepared for everyone.

For dinner, I had my mind in a clear space and chose something high protein and something fermented to  tame my metabolism and finish the day strong.

Dinner
natural (fermented) sauerkraut
cherry tomatoes w/ salt and cider vinegar
two hardboiled eggs mashed with salt and pepper
a few carmelized onions left over from a sandwich I made for my husband

Our family went swimming tonight, and I did a few (half) laps and some movements that felt like they were working my abs and my arms. 

Lots of water this eve...

You know, losing weight for me is about maintaining a state I'll call my "right mind".  It's so easy to stop thinking the way a normal healthy person does and lose days or weeks of work to a pizza or cupcakes or other tempting item that presents itself.  I am often a mindless eater.  I eat too much when I like the way something looks, like the way it tastes, want to celebrate, want to comfort myself, want to reward myself, or when I want to be adventurous and try something new.  That's a lot of possible times to be "out of my mind" over food.  I firmly believe that I can and should eat whatever I want, but 90% of the time, I need to eat in the way that works best for my body, which is generally protein, fats, and veggies in appropriate proportion to one another.  I also need to accept that I lose myself in food easily, easier than most folks I suppose.

When my food is right, my body wants to move!  I can't believe I have been craving running.  I don't like to run distances, but do like short sprints with recovery time walking (interval training).  I invited my husband and the kids to join me tomorrow morning in my movement.  I think we'll try to ride our bikes over to the middle school track in my neighborhood and do a little interval training before it gets too hot here in central Texas.  I not only want to move to make my body healthy, but I also want to make sure my children have an example of health to emulate in their own lives. 

I told my kids my goal is for our family is to have the healthiest summer yet!  Now, to stay in my right mind.

My Bracelet

This time around I'm trying to use a bracelet from my sister on my right wrist as a reminder to slow down when I'm reaching for food. Last night I realized that the power of this reminder is diminished when wine is consumed. I attended a night at my friend's store, and had a great astrological chart reading. I talked and poured more and more wine, and suddenly I was noshing on crackers with cream cheese and jalapeño jam, tortilla chips with garlic onion dip, chocolates, and some cheese...it is my old pattern of mindless eating. Mindless munching just beacause something tastes good. Never once did I see my "braceleted" hand reaching for all those bites as I slurped wine.

I had a great food day before this event and even ate a healthy dinner before heading over to the store!

It's a new day...I'm going to drink lots of water and keep my eye on that bracelet.

Ahhh, That's Better...

Yesterday I doubted myself big time after serial sampling, but today I feel in control again after a great food day! Amazing how much better I feel when I put the correct mix of food in my body...

Upon rising
Coffee with coconut hazelnut creamer

AM Snack
1 ounce cheddar cheese
1 corn tortilla fried in oil(tostada shells I was preparing for school lunch)

Lunch
4 ounces grilled beef (London Broil)
Salsa
1/2 cup refried pinto beans
Salad: 2 cups iceberg lettuce + 1/2 cup cherry tomatoes, apple cider vinegar

PM Snack
1/2 cup nuts + 1/2 cup dried fruit

Dinner
4-6 ounces grilled chicken
2 cups tossed salad: iceberg, cucumber, tomatoes, Italian vinaigrette

Lots of water all day, only 1 cup of coffee

On my feet all day, no exercise...

Off Track Already?

Today was a day of not much food, but too much "sampling" instead of eating the meals I had planned.

It was bread day.  This is the most hallowed day at our school, the day we make homemade organic bread with the kids.  Since we're studying bees , I made honey butter to go on top.

Upon Rising
20 minute walk
2 cups cold water
30 g whey protein
coffee with cinnamon

Late Breakfast
a few bites of meatloaf (school lunch)
2 hardboiled eggs

Lunch
meatloaf
3-4 small slices of bread with honey butter

PM Snack
a few pita chips with hummus

Dinner (or major "sampling")
a few chocolate covered pecans
1 cup whole milk
1 1/2 gluten free zucchini muffins
several bites of gluten free chicken pot pie that I made the family last night
4 veggie straw snack sticks, which really equals nothing!

Lots of water

I packed some beautiful sliced grilled London Broil, salsa, and a green salad that I didn't eat...still waiting for me tomorrow at work. 

Tomorrow's another day.  I don't know why this is such a battle for me sometimes, but I am so glad that I didn't do this sampling on top of a bunch of heavy meals!

Not a Bad Re-Start

Thanks to our little dog, I woke up at 4:30 or so this morning!  Certainly there's no excuse for not working out when I don't have to be at work until 8/8:15.   I walked about 30 minutes around my neighborhood to some pumping new jams from iTunes.  When I got home, I did more than 75 kettlebell swings while I waited for my shower time.  I felt so energized by moving my body so early...

It was a good food day except for a couple of bites here and there (which add up, I know)...I own a preschool and have 3 children, so I'm always going to be around temptation!  Though the food I serve at school and the food I feed my family is very healthy and nearly all organic, the kids do have Goldfish crackers, chocolate covered pecans, and other treats that I sometimes end up sampling.  I need to have more self-control, and yet my justification is that complete deprival causes "going off the deep end" eating.

Upon Rising
1 cup cold water
1 cup cold water with whey protein (Gak!, but it works for me)

Morning
Coffee w/ cinnamon

Early Lunch
Chunks of grilled chicken breast w/ salsa

Lunch
1/2 cup refried pinto beans
1/2 cup grilled chicken w/ salsa

Afternoon Snack
1 hardboiled egg
2 cups coleslaw w/ balsamic vinegar
a couple of peanuts
5-10 Goldfish crackers
3 chocolate covered pecans
1 cup black coffee

Dinner
1 cup grilled chicken
2 cups coleslaw w/ homemade peanut/sesame dressing/soy sauce

Tons of water today! Nearly 3 1/2 quarts.  Need to get to a gallon...

I'm tired.  Looks like the afternoons need more protein/volume based on my "sampling".  Also looks like I had too much chicken today.  Don't want to burn out...

I am feeling strong!

My Favorite Ways to Move

I love:

walking (but this is really for relaxation)
squats
abwork and squats with a ball
strength training with bands
working with hand weights
kettlebell swings
running short sprints with recovery time walking, 20-30 minute interval workout in total
riding my beach cruiser bike with the kids
some resistance work in the swimming pool

The Best Way to Eat, For Me

In working with my personal trainer, Dio, and in studying both Paleo-type eating, Tim Ferriss' work in Four Hour Body, and nurtritional typing as recommended by Dr. Mercola, this food makes me feel great and lose weight:

Lots of water all day, approximately 1 gallon

Upon Waking
two cups of cold water with lemon juice (immediate hydration, lemon juice to alkalize system)
30 g of protein, usually a gross combo of vanilla whey protein and 1/2 cup cold water, as a shot

Early Morning
coffee with cinnamon, 2-3 cups

Mid-Morning
an egg or some nuts

Lunch
1/2 cup beans, black or pinto
4-6 oz protein, usually grilled steak or chicken
2 cups spinach salad with tomato, raw vinegar (Bragg's), sea salt OR 1-2 cups cooked veggies, low starch

Afternoon
nuts or some veggie sticks OR a whey shake with greens OR some berries/protein such as cubed grilled meat

Dinner...eat no later than 7 PM
6-8 oz protein
2 cups spinach salad with homemade vinaigrette, sea salt OR 2 cups cooked veggies, low starch

Add ins:
I seem to do well with an occasional apple, berries, or a couple of chunks of cheese thrown in to this mix.
I can occassionally add a corn tortilla, potatoes, or brown rice without ceasing to lose weight.
1-2 glasses of red wine doesn't seem to slow weight loss.

Saturdays...Stimulate the Metabolism (Cheat)
I eat whatever I want starting mid-day Saturday.  As long as I still work out, and drink lots of water, I gain a couple of pounds that are shed by the following Tuesday, then I go on to lose more weight Tuesday through Saturday AM of that week.  The cheats make it possible for me to be good all week.

Done with This...

I'm Done with This

Hello, 38 1/2. (Half years count, my three kids have taught me that!). How did I get here, and why am I still chubby, damn it?

Here's my life in decades, as they relate to my weight:

0-10, normal kid in rural America gets chubby after tonsillectomy in first grade! I can eat well without all those sore throats, and so I do! Chubby from 7-10 years, ate lots of ramen and junk food in our pantry despite my mom's beautiful meals and lush gardens.

10-20, followed Weight Watchers, using exchange system in seventh and eighth grade. Slimmed down, walked a lot, generally healthy weight until college at 18. Freshmen to Junior years in college, gained 15-40 pounds during the school year and generally exercised a lot and shed pounds during the summer. I think I had a short stint with Weight Watchers for a few months in college.

20-30 graduated from college at 22, about 40 pounds overweight. Taught a semester of high school at a maddening pace and gained more. Visited Austin, Texas, and loved it so much I relocated there at 23. Dug in, eating less and well, and exercised a lot, especially with my dear roommate Crystal. Met a cute boy and stayed relatively slim for two more years. Married boy in there. Marriage equals new foods around and unconditional love. Little exercise, then pregnancy at 27 blows the doors off. Gained about 50 pounds while pregnant. Moved back East to be close to parents,did Weight Watchers again and lost about 25 pounds...now weighing about 200lbs on a 5 foot frame!

30-38 1/2 had second baby a few weeks shy of 31. Weight at birth up 50 pounds from last weight loss...now 250+/-. Did Atkins, treadmill some, but never figured out how to take really good care of myself and be a mother. We ate beautiful gourmet foods, but with little thought as to how much exercise was needed to burn all the fat in the rich dishes I made. 32, moved back to Texas to be near now retired parents and sister/brother-in-law. Two kids, new house, job I hated. Stayed around 225-250, weighed in around 265 before giving birth to son at 33. Tried Weight Watchers again for a couple of months, worked out inconsistently, started a business.

Where Am I Now?

I never, ever made a permanent lifestyle change...exercise is necessary for me every day.  It can be walking with a couple of sessions of strength training each week.  I'm not a maniac, but this body must move.  Periods of sustained ideal weight have shown me that.

I have been fortunate to work with a personal trainer off and on over the last year, and I know exactly how to lose weight eating organic, healthful foods. I know I must move my body daily and that I carry around more than 100 pounds of fat every day.  I don't need more information, I just need to do.

I have three kids and a husband that need me to be there for them.

I co-own a preschool with my sister and a base for our educational philosophy is healthful eating, balance between work life and home life, and the importance of functional movement (play for kids) in nature. I don't look the part! In fact, I can sometimes see surprise in people's faces when they realize I am one of the people behind the creation of this amazing school and associated businesses.

I am usually the chubbiest mom at school parties, and my kids notice. I can eat more than most people. I am easy going and pretty non-competitive, so it's hard for me to get worked up about my physical state sometimes.

But, this weight is having an effect on my life...

I hate having a my picture taken, so there are very few pictures of me with my husband or
children. Even at special events in their lives. There are no family portraits or pictures of me holding my new baby(ies) in the hospital.

I weigh a little too much to ride a horse with my kids.  They like riding horses.

I have a high school class reunion soon and I want to feel at ease during the requisite judging of others that goes on.

I want people to see me as a healthful leader at my school and amid my industry colleagues as I start a year of professional development that is the stuff of my dreams.

I want to be done with this disappointing aspect of my life.  It takes emotional energy to be fat.

I want my lovely husband and children say I'm beautiful and I want to believe it.

It's time to make real changes.  Stay tuned.  I'm going to put on my workout clothes...